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PLEASE CHECK THE ANNOUNCEMENTS BOARD AT THE FOOT  OF THIS PAGE FOR ANYTHING IMPORTANT and the CALENDAR OF EVENTS PAGE FOR DETAILS OF FORTHCOMING EVENTS.  ALSO, MAKE SURE YOU'VE CHOSEN YOUR NOTIFICATION PREFERENCES ON THE NOTIFY ME PAGE WHICH YOU'LL FIND, ALONG WITH OTHER USEFUL TOPICS, UNDER THE WHITE HEAD AND SHOULDERS ICON AT THE TOP RIGHT OF THIS PAGE.

 

The Sloane

 

                                                                                                                                                                                     


Hello and Welcome to

Mark Foulsham's

Sloane website


 

If I built it I knew you would come

 

    
 

 

A School that invited loyalty

 (Quote by Don Wheal)

 
Gone But Not Forgotten

'Men are we, and must grieve when even the shade

Of that which once was great is pass'd away.'


William Wordsworth

On the Extinction of the Venetian Republic

 

 

You may think you're done with the past but the past isn't done with you!
 


 

"The merits of a school are judged as much by the men it produces as by their achievements as boys" - 

(Old Cheynean D.J. Cowie, March 1929)
 

 

 

 

Register and link up with old school friends again and become part of Sloane Reunited.

If you were a pupil or member of staff at Sloane you qualify to register for the website and create your own personal password to view all of its pages. First choose Missing Classmates at the top of this page to see if we've been expecting you. If you see your name click on it and follow instructions. If your name's not there click on either Contact Us, at the top of the page or the Click Here To Register! button below, read what you see then complete the box at the bottom of that page to ask me to add your name to the list.

 

It's Free, it's Easy, it's Secure

and

You're Never Alone As A Sloane


 

 

 

Self-portrait by Stefan Bremner-Morris

 

   Please remember to Log Out when you leave the site by using the Log Out button to be found under the Head and Shoulders icon at the top of the page. It's as easy as falling off a log -
 




      

  If you're already a member please remember to keep your Email address up to date using Edit Contact Info to be found by clicking on the Head and Shoulders icon at the top of the page. 

 


 Please don't forget to use the Notify Me page to make selections that will help you keep in touch as well as help you enjoy all the website has to offer. 
 

 


Come on in! 
Don't be late! 
This is one detention 
You'll be pleased to take
.

 

                                           
A WARM WELCOME
 


to fellow Cheyneans and passers-by, from the Official Sloane Grammar School 1919-1970 Old Cheyneans and Friends web site.

Mark Foulsham, at Sloane 1963-70, created this site in August 2008 to record for posterity all that I can, and for all those who attended Sloane or simply have a Sloane connection, to share and enjoy. Feel free just to browse or, if you feel you qualify to join us, make full use of the site by becoming a Registered ClassmateClick on the Click Here to Register button above to start the registration process. It's Free!

I'll also be happy to send a personal invitation to anyone else with a Sloane School Chelsea connection who you think might like to join us. Just enter their Email address in the MISSING CLASSMATES  box to your right and click Send Invite.  

We may not understand why but memories of our days at Sloane remain with us while others do not. Whether they're good or they're bad, I'd like to give all old boys the opportunity to keep those memories alive.

 

 

 

 

 


Aspirations and Objectives


Sloane never had a motto and although our school badge is based on the lion rampant and boar's head of the Cadogan family crest their motto, Qui Invidet Minor Est or He That Envies Is Inferior, is not really appropriate so I'll adopt the one to be found on the Coat of Arms of the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea as it suits us nicely -


Quam Bonum In Unum Habitare

 


(What A Good Thing It Is To Dwell Together In Unity) 

 

It is hoped, in some small way, to be able to have similar objectives to those stated for the first issue of The Cheynean in December 1926  -


"To record faithfully the major activities of the School, to promote and foster a corporate spirit in the School, to excite a greater keenness both in the games and in other phases of its social life, and to serve as a link between present members of the School and the Old Cheyneans".  -

and also to bring together, once again, old friends and classmates, and those of us who have outlived the school and share a common interest in its history and its future.

Sadly, I've no memory of having ever sung or even heard a school song but apparently one was written by music Master Mr Seymour Dicker in 1928, and was first sung in July of that year by pupil J E Bush. What became of it after that first performance is a mystery but it contained the lines -

"Salve, the School and its scholars so keen,

 Long may they keep its memory green."

 If you've any memories of Sloane you'd like to share, use the Contact Us page to send them in and, whilst you're there, register for the site as well. 

Once you've registered, you can activate the Instant Messaging feature that allows you to hold a 'real-time' online conversation with anyone else who has logged on to the website. You can also send a message to someone else on the site via the Message Centre page but, if you're expecting a swift reply, it might be worthwhile using their Profile on the Classmate Profiles page, to see what part of the world they're living in these days, and to have an idea of the time where they are use the Clocks below, to check by clicking on the arrow in the relevant one.


After you've registered, why not take a look at all the Classmate Profiles ? Even if you don't know the person involved, the information they've put on their Profile can be interesting, illuminating and fun, and often brings back memories of something you thought you'd forgotten about.

If, at any time, you're unsure about anything click on this Using The Site link for an explanation or contact me direct via the Contact Us page.

                   
 

 

 

London

 
 
 
 

Adelaide

Albuquerque

Auckland

Brisbane

Budapest

Calgary

Cape Town

Chicago

Hong Kong

Houston

Los Angeles

Mumbai

New York

Sydney

Toronto

 


 * * * * *

 

Why Not Take a Look at Where your Classmates are Living?


Find out the Postcode of a Classmate from their Profile (if they've agreed to let everyone know it) then Click on the link below, enter the details where it says 'Address', then Click on 'Go'. Not every country is covered yet and those that are have limited coverage, but it's worth a try.

Here's the link. Have fun - http://www.vpike.com/

 


* * * * * * * * *

 


BREAKING NEWS!!


Sexual Harassment Leads To Resignation Of Respected Administrator!


It is with the deepest regret that I feel it necessary to resign from my position as Sloane website Administrator. I have also retrospectively resigned fro every position I've held over the last 50 years. I'm not afraid to say that in all that time no knee, young or old, went untouched. In recent weeks I've also been receiving sackloads of mail from female former colleagues pleading with me to make it known that I touched their knee. Letters I received from mail colleagues on the same subject went straight in the bin! Thankfully, most of the women seem unable to spell 'breasts' and I find myself unable to agree that I am guilty of any wrongdoing concerning these blonde bomshells and sizzling brunettes whose pert bottoms and plunging necklines meant nothing to me, a married man for over 30 years. I have revealed the names of my accusers to a tabloid newspaper who assure me that although these ladies might think they will be isolated and vulnerable sunbathing in their back gardens their photographers will make sure they are being guarded and a free colour supplement of them in bikinis is to be produced to confirm their safety.

Apparently, my not having a good enough memory to confirm whether or not I did actually touch a knee or two (three would have been a worry for the person concerned) is no excuse.

Before the press arrive at my door, I would like it made public that I apologise to all those women (hereafter to be referred to as the Untouchables) who would have welcomed my attention but didn't get it. 

As an aside, I offer my support to all those members of the clergy who now find themselves unable to continue the practice of laying on of hands. 

* * *

On the same subject, the BBC have denied any culture of sexual harassment exists in their organisation. They are obviously unaware that their own news bulletins have been showing a photo of two old employees who say that abuse has been going on for years and that the BBC knew all along that fingers were being shoved up their backsides -
 

* * *


Ya cannae lay ya hands on me, Jimmie!


Scotland has banned parents from smacking their children (and anyone else's child, I imagine). This has led to parents north of the border resorting to threatening their kids with a punishment of sending thrm to England if they misbehave. In response those Scottish children who are able to write have written to their MSPs demanding the re-introduction of the cane in schools and a regular clip round the ear from their dad. It is well known in Scotland that the marks left from a thrashing will fade with time whereas a trip to England can scar you forever. As one MSP said,

"This just teaches the next generation that going to England is acceptable, perpetuating it through the generations."

* * *

Age Limits To Be Introduced For Emergency Service And Call Centre Employees


Concerns have finally been raised over the time it takes the emergency services and call centres of major companies to answeer the phone. In response the government has introduced a law banning anyone above the age of 60 being employed in these jobs as they're considered not to be au fait with modern technology. Supporting evidence came in the form of a photo taken of two Tory MPs -


* * *

 

More On Brexit


In a lull in Brexit negotiations in Brussels, David Davis and Michel Barnier relaxed by playing golf together on a local course. However, they should have been more careful as another member recognised them and taped a conversation he inadvertently overheard whilst sitting inside a locker in the changing room. It went something like this and gives us all a better understanding of what Brexit is all about -

"Hello Mr Davis", says Mr Barnier. "I'm sorry to hear you are no longer renewing your club membership,if you would like to come to my office we can settle your account".

 "I have settled my bar bill", says Mr Davis..

 "Ah yes Mr Davis", says Mr Barnier, "but there are other matters that need settlement".

In Mr Barnier's office Mr Davis explains that he has settled his bar bill so wonders what else he can possibly owe the Golf Club?

"Well Mr Davis", begins Mr Barnier, "you did agree to buy one of our Club Jackets".

"Yes", agrees Mr Davis, "I did agree to buy a jacket but I haven't received it yet. As soon as you supply the jacket I will send you a cheque for the full amount".

"That will not be possible", explains Mr Barnier. "As you are no longer a club member you will not be entitled to buy one of our jackets!"

"But you still want me to pay for it!" exclaims Mr Davis.

"Yes", says Mr Barnier. "That will be £500 for the jacket. There is also your bar bill".

"But I've already settled my bar bill", says Mr Davis.

"Yes", says Mr Barnier, "but as you can appreciate, we need to place our orders from the Brewery in advance to ensure our bar is properly stocked". You regularly used to spend at least £50 a week in the bar so we have placed orders with the brewery accordingly for the coming year. You therefore owe us £2600 for the year".

"Will you still allow me to have these drinks?", asks Mr Davis.

"No of course not Mr Davis. You are no longer a club member!" says Mr Barnier. "Next is your restaurant bill", continues Mr Barnier. "In the same manner we have to make arrangements in advance with our catering suppliers. Your average restaurant bill was in the order of £300 a month, so we'll require payment of £3600 for the next year".

"I don't suppose you'll be letting me have these meals either?", asks Mr Davis..

"No, of course not", says an irritated Mr Barnier, "you are no longer a club member!"

"Then of course", Mr Barnier continues, "there are repairs to the clubhouse roof".

"Clubhouse roof!" exclaims Mr Davis, "What's that got to do with me?"

"Well it still needs to be repaired and as the builders are coming in next week your share of the bill is £2000".

"I see", says Mr Davis, "Anything else?".

"Now you mention it" says Mr Barnier, "there is Fred the Barman's pension. We would like you to pay £5 a week towards Fred's pension when he retires next month". "He's not well you know so I doubt we'll need to ask you for payment for longer than about five years, so £1300 should do it. This brings your total bill to £10,000", says Mr Barnier.

"Let me get this straight", says Mr Davis, "You want me to pay £500 for a jacket you won't let me have, £2600 for beverages you won't let me drink and £3600 for food you won't let me eat, all under a roof I won't be allowed under and not served by a bloke who's going to retire next month!"

"Yes, it's all perfectly clear and quite reasonable", says Mr Barnier.

"Piss off!" says Mr Davis.

* * *

 

Post-Brexit Government Proposals


The government has finally come up with some ideas to soothe the post-Brexit concerns. 

Measures will include the distribution of ration books, guidance on mending clothes and an assessment of the environmental benefit brought about by no one being able to afford cars, gas or electricity. A further, controversial, proposal is that the population will be allowed easier access to firearms to enable them to supplement their food allowance through hunting. Of course, an added benefit is that it will also help them ward off bands of marauders on the look out for just about anything that will supplement their own standard of living.

Car manufacturers, aware of the possible effect fuel rationing and lack of cash will have on their business, will offer to pay the first speeding fine and add extra points to driving licences if customers agree to their credit terms. A Vauxhall spokesman says their introductory offer will enable customers to drive straight into the nearest ditch soon after leaving the showroom with their purchase and in the interests of customer safety will theow in a neck brace for the driver and one passenger.

* * *

 

Young Girl Ostracised For Being Ill In Hortensia House!


Not quite a true headline but I saw this photograph on Facebook and thought it might have relevance for some of our members. Taken in 1951, it shows 5 year-old Angela Luff at a Festival of Britain party held in Hortensia House, opposite Sloane in Hortensia Road. She had contracted chicken pox but was told she could still attend the festivities provided she sat 30 yeards away! Bless her little cotton socks -
 

 

 
* * *

 

FRONT PAGE NEWS

 

Weather Watch

 

Michael Fish has stepped out of retirement to issue a serious warning about hurricanes.

Thirty years since he told the British population not to worry about rumours of a hurricane just hours before it battered England, the veteran weather forecaster is playing it safe this time.

Chatting to anyone within earshot at his local pub, Britain’s most famous meteorologist announced,

“Some of you have expressed concern about the recent plethora of hurricanes. You are right to be concerned.

Although it is only the tail-end of hurricanes that reach these shores, I want it to go on record that I think they will all definitely be a devastating force that will doubtless cause a lot of damage to property and threaten livelihoods and even lives. If there is even the slightest chance of a bit of a hurricane then I don’t want us all to be unprepared. Not on my watch, no sir. Better to err on the side of caution and frighten the shit out of absolutely everyone, than be sorry, as I always say. Well, as I’ve been saying since 1987, anyway”.

* * *

Ireland is preparing for unprecedented weather conditions after Met Eirann said it might stop raining there for the first time since 1177BC.

The Irish climate is described by meteorologists as temperate, predictable, and characterised by horizontal drizzle, meaning government agencies lack the resources to deal with a freak outbreak of sunshine.

Ireland has issued a plea for international aid, insisting that it is simply not prepared to deal with warm and pleasant weather. Aid agencies are scrambling to respond by offering dry-weather clothing and emergency training in how to take a cagoule off.

At RTE, Ireland’s national broadcaster, weather forecasters are in a state of panic after discovering they don’t have any “sunshine” icons for the weather map.

“People across Ireland are huddled around their televisions waiting for updates,” we were told.

“A front of terrifyingly clement weather is sweeping across the Atlantic and threatens to engulf us in distressingly enjoyable and pleasant conditions which will allow people to dry their washing outdoors. I tell you – if this keeps up we’ll be having to explain to people what the round yellow thing in the sky is, and our science budget won’t stretch to that.”

Locals are reported to be hoping the freak weather blows over soon and they can spend the rest of the year wet-through as usual.

* * *

A new report by the International Energy Agency suggests that with solar power dominating future energy prospects are bleak for the Welsh, whose country receives approximately twenty three and a half hours of rainfall every day.

An IEA spokesperson said,

“In a little over ten years oil, gas and coal will very much be the exception rather than the rule. Even wind and hydro-electric technologies will become obsolete due to the expensive infrastructure required to harness these energies. Solar energy, by contrast, is freely available. We anticipate that areas with little or no sunshine – such as Wales – are facing a desolate future with no heat, light or electricity of any kind, and will experience heavy depopulation as citizens ‘leave or freeze’."

However, a statement from the Welsh Assembly was more optimistic:

“People should not be alarmed by this report. The Welsh countryside has already been completely ruined by ugly wind turbines and we have pledged to erect more and more of these monstrosities in order to make the most of our appalling climate. The IEA report also understates the amount of sunshine Wales gets – only last month we had nearly seven minutes one Tuesday morning; enough solar energy for three hundred people to have a lukewarm cup of tea. So Wales is hardly facing an apocalyptic future of total blackout.

 

***


Trump Considers War Strategy


American President, Donald Trump, has been made aware that his outspoken approach to North Korea could lead to war. A photo leaked from the Oval Office would appear to indicate that he is using board games to hone his strategy should the worst occur -

 


Unfortunately, our White House spy is as confused as Donald. The ladders game he is poring over in the photo is obviously part of his strategy for keeping the Mexicans out of the US. In the interests of UK/US relations I have written to the President to draw his attention to Waddington's Risk and the updated version, War as well as Axis and Allies but have advised that he master Ludo first. Sadly, Battlestar Gallactica may never be within his capabilities.

* * *

Awful Memories Of Attending Pimlico


Whilst trawling the Internet for something only marginally related I came across this letter published in the Architect's Journal for 14th September, 1999. It refers to Pimlico School, the school Sloane amalgamated to become part of -

"I have just read the letter in your publication sent by Glenys Roberts (aj 2.9.99) in respect of the future of Pimlico School and feel driven to make the following comments. Although not connected with the school nowadays, I was one of the original pupils when the school was first opened in the summer of 1970.

At the time, I had already spent three years at a secondary technical school, Ebury, so was half-way through my secondary education.

The transformation of going from a small, 300-pupil, single-sex environment to a mixed-sex, 1800-pupil school was catastrophic. Beside the fact that there were so many other pupils, the fact that the school was created from the amalgamation of four other schools - a comprehensive, two grammar schools and ours - did not help one bit. The teachers from the four original schools all favoured their original pupils to the detriment of the rest.

The building itself was badly laid out, barely finished and, throughout the first couple of years, forever having components replaced.

The publicity before our arrival - which went something like: '... as the most modern school in Europe, designed to be cool in summer and warm in the winter ...' - was seen immediately as being totally false. The layout of the building can be extremely difficult to understand, even after attending there for three years. When you can only access certain parts of the building from certain staircases, or have to go outside to get to some classrooms, one can only wonder at the reasoning of the architect behind the layout.

It is only now, after spending the 26 years since I left in consulting civil and structural engineering, that I fully appreciate some of the design flaws the building has.

When my former schoolmates and I hear people talking about 'that award winning school in Pimlico', we wonder if they have ever had to endure working in such a buildings environment for more than a few hours.

The best news we all heard was when one proposal was to demolish it and rebuild it, preferably in a number of smaller buildings. No-one who went there during the 1970s, as far as we are concerned, would ever harbour nostalgia about the school.

It should be remembered during the reconstruction that the school is for the purpose of pupils learning, not to further the award-winning aspirations of someone who will never have to spend the most important part of their life using the school".

Bob Lye, London SW1


If any members who also went on to Pimlico would like to concur or add their own thoughts about Pimlico, we'd love to see them in print so please put them on the Notice Board page.

* * *

 

HOME FRONT NEWS


Illnesses continue to strike in the Foulsham household. I was considering having the place exorcised but I can't take too much exorcise. My son continues to wear the colostomy bag I mentioned previously and he continues to do so with discomfort. My wife's gall bladder problem came to a head a couple of nights ago when she began screaming out in pain. I finally rang 111 to get some advice as we knew what the basis of the problem was. My call was answered by a pleasant woman who, while I was trying to comfort my still screaming wife, proceeded to ask me questions about my location, phone number, doctor etc. even though she could hear my wife and hadn't really asked me what the problem was! I know they've got procedures and that they get hoax calls but first things first, surely. She eventually asked me to explain the situation and check for certain things on my wife and decided to send an ambulance. This arrived within 10 minutes and they took my wife aboard to examine her befoe saying they could do no more and as she was now vomiting they'd take her to St Helier hospital. It was now 10pm and I received a text from my wife to say that she was still in A & E. She was examined at 1pm and as her vomiting had stopped they were satisfied that it was just the gall bladder problem so chose to send her home with the advice to "take painkillers as soon as there's any indication that you're feeling unwell". She arrived home at 2pm having had to phone herself a cab. I don't think that's suitable treatment for a woman on her own at that time of night. She's been a little lethargic but generally OK since and has to keep an eye on things before her December appointment that should get to the bottom of the problem.

My own health has been a little better and having been told bluntly by my lovely doctor that I'm obese, I've made an immediate effort to lower my weight. Just hope it lasts.

I'm at the age now where I thought it best to think about what lies ahead for an unhealthy 66 year-old so last night I was sitting working on the computer with my kids nearby when I said to them,

"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on a machine and some fluids in a bottle. If it ever happens, just pull the plug".

At which point one of them got up, unplugged the computer and threw out my bottles of wine.

Kids. eh? My two boys are both still at home; one's 31 and the other 26. I'm hoping they'll stay out long enough one night to let me change the locks.

Halloween and bonfire night have come and gone for another year but we hardly noticed. Only one kid knocked on the door on Halloween and even then my wife had to chase them down the road to insist they took the sweets she'd bought. My daughter and her bloke brought my grandson over for firework night but his heart wasn't really in it. He was more interested in the bonfire than the fireworks but his mum and dad seemed to be enjoying themselves. T least it did give me an opportunity to burn the pile of wood that has been accumulating over the past year and the baked potatoes in their jackets and mulled cider went down a treat. 
 

"You never surprise me ", my wife moaned to me just before her October birthday.  "Buy me a surprise for my birthday. Something that can accelerate from 0 to 180 in under 4 seconds, and I would prefer it in blue", she hinted.

Happy and excited she was counting down the days to her birthday yet when she finally got the beautiful present I had thoughtfully chosen for her she was incredibly disappointed. Can't understand why -

 

 

It's a lucky couple who can say they don't have arguments and they're often about their kids. Take our neighbours, for instance. They were concerned that their 17 year-old daughter was having sex. Men and women generally have a different viewpoint on subjects like this so you expect arguments and the woman generally wins. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, the wife next door consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.  He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, 

“Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that!  I'm dating Susan!”

We argued about what to about our eldest son when he was six. We were concerned that his penis might be a little on the small side so took him to the doctor.  With some hesitation, we explained that although our little angel appeared to be in good health, we were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared,

“Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.”

The next morning when our boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

“Wow, Mum”, he exclaimed, “Are they all for me?”

“Just take two”, my wife said. “The rest are for your father.”

I think she was exagerrating the problem anyway. Aren't three kids proof that it works? I've told her it's because she doesn't get close enough to me and her myopia is the problem.

Sexual problems in marriage can cause a husband to stray and that can lead to an early death. Take the elderly couple I knew.

One night, the wife came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.  She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defence.

“Your Honour”, she began coolly, “I figured that at 92, if he could manage sex, he could fly.”

They'd been together for years and  some while before he died he told me about a meeting they'd had with his doctor.

“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago", the doctor had told him. 

"Red meat is awful.  Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.  Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.  However, there is one thing that’s the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

After several seconds of quiet, my late neighbour softly said,

"Wedding Cake.”

My guess is that was the start of their problems.

If only they's sat down together occasionally and shared a bottle of wine. They could have learned so much about each other. My wife and I do it regularly and last Friday, admittedly after a few glasses, she said to me,

"I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you".

I said to her,

"Thank you, darling, but is that you or the wine talking?"

Her slurred reply was,

"It's me talking to the wine".

I still love her. She may not be Marilyn Monroe but she'll do. Talking of Marilyn, I think this bloke I saw on the station platform was taking the impersonations too far -
 

 

 

I'd better have a lie down now. I've been on this computer for too long. If any of our older members ever feel as tired as I do now I've found a word that comes in handy when someone wants you to do more. Just tell them you're 

EXHAUSTIPATED

It means you're too tired to give a sh**!

 

* * *


JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

A nun, badly needing to use the toilet, walked into a local pub. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off.

Each time the lights went out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the barman, and asked,

“May I please use the ladies?”

The barman replied,

“OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” 

“Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,” said the nun.

The barman showed the nun to the back of the pub and after a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the barman and said,

“Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the toilet?”

“Well, now they know you're one of us,” said the barman,”would you like a drink?”

“No thank you, but, I still don't understand,” said the puzzled nun.

'You see,' laughed the barman, “every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.” 


“Now, how about that drink?"

* * *

 

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Jerry had carved,

 

I love you, Sally

 

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand pounds!


 Jerry said,

“We've got to give it back.”

 
Sally said,

“Finders keepers.”

She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighbourhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. One said,

 

“Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?”

 
Sally said,


“No.”

 Jerry said,


“She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.”

 
Sally said,

“Don't believe him, he’s getting senile.”

 
The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him.  

 One said:

“Tell us the story from the beginning.”

 
Jerry said,


“Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ....”

 
The first police officer turned to his partner and said,

“We’re outta here!”

* * *

 

A man suffered a heart attack while shopping in a store. The store manager called 999 when they saw him collapse to the floor.  The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen.

She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a weak raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked,

"Do you have money in the bank?" He replied, "No money in the bank."

Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun"

The nun became agitated and announced,

"Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." 

The patient replied, 

"Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law".

 

* * *

 

 It was April and the Aboriginals in a remote part of Northern Australia asked their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of  the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared.

 

But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea. He walked out to the telephone box on the motorway, called the Bureau of Meteorology and asked,

 

“Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?”

 

The meteorologist replied,

 

“It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold.”

 

So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again –

 

“Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?”

 

The meteorologist again replied,

 

“Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter.”

 

The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

 

Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again –

 

“Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?” he asked.

 

“Absolutely,” the man replied. “It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.”

 

“How can you be so sure?” the elder asked.

 

The weatherman replied,

 

“Our satellites have reported that the Aboriginals in the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that's always a sure sign.”


* * *

 

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from £250 to £500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the £500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), “I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the £500 refund for myself.”

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says,

“Good Grief!   You'd think for £500, they'd at least iron it!'


He never heard the shot.

 

* * *

 

A childless husband and wife who owned a circus went to an adoption agency in order, hopefully, to adopt a child.

  
The social workers there raised doubts about their suitability in light of their occupation.

The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot luxury motor home, which was clean, well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

  The social workers then raised concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.


"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills".

  
Then the social workers expressed concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

 

"Our nanny will be a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet,” came the reply.

  
The social workers were finally satisfied.  They asked, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?”

  
"It doesn't really matter... Just as long as they'll fit in the cannon".

 

* * *

 

A father put his 3-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,

"God bless Mummy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, and good-bye Grandpa".

The father asked,

"Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?"

The little girl said,

"I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do".

The next day Grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,

"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma".

The next day the grandmother died.

"Jesus", thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side".

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say,

"God bless Mummy and good-bye Daddy".

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said,

"I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"

He said,

"I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life".

She said,

"You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our doorstep!"

 

* * *

 

 A man sees a sign outside a house –

'Talking Dog For Sale.'

He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.

"Yes," the Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks,

"So, tell me your story."

The Labrador looks up and says,

"Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."

The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten quid," the owner says.

"£10!!? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a lying bas*^%d. He's never been out of the garden!!".

* * *

 

THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY

 

Remember Cheers? -

 




*




*

*

 

Seen on a London train -

 

*

 

* * * * *


The Home We Called Sloane

 

The Sloane building seen from Hortensia Road in 1908  

 


The Sloane building was 100 years old in 2008, although it didn't actually start life as a boys' school until after the First World War, during which it served as a hospital. It still stands and many memories are, no doubt, ingrained in its walls along with the odd name and ribald comment. Who knows what the future holds, despite its Grade II listing on May 7th, 2002. Grade II listed buildings can be altered, extended, or even demolished, but only with Local Authority consent, so it may be that the building is considered historically or architecturally interesting enough for it's fabric to remain untouched. Some consideration may have been given to it having been the first purpose-built secondary school in London, and it is certainly one of only 3% of all ages of listed buildings that was built in the 20th century. Schools generally are seen as a good investment by developers because they're easy to convert. They are likely to be structurally sound because the authorities will have inspected them regularly to ensure they comply with Health and Safety requirements.    

                                                                  
Sadly, Sloane Grammar School for Boys only lasted 51 years, from 1919-1970. John Binfield, in one of his poems writes -

... the school, with
All its past, was sucked into a huge
Turbulent sea of glass in Pimlico
And sank without trace. "full fathom five..

Sea nymphs hourly ring his knell.
Hark, now I hear them. Ding-dong bell".

Should the building survive in the form we all remember, there is still a chance that some of us will be around in 2019 to celebrate what would have been its centenary as a boys' school, had it remained in existence.

 

 

 

Sloane seen from the rear in 2014

      

  CHANGES TO THE SLOANE SITE AND BUILDING

 

The new Kensington & Chelsea College, known since 2014 as their Chelsea Centre, sits where the playground used to be between the old Sloane building and the old Carlyle building. Work on the new college building, with designs by the architects who transformed the Royal Opera House and the National Portrait Gallery, was completed in 2012. 

 

 

 

 

The flats, constructed in Sloane's old North playground on the Fulham Road are known as Milliner House, Chelsea Apartments,  and were ready for occupation in 2011 at advertised prices between £785,000 and £2,350,000. Or if you could afford it, the single penthouse at the top would have set you back £5.85 million when first offered for sale but a market downturn in 2012 saw it reduced to an almost tempting £4.25 million - and it was being sold as a shell!

Phase 2 of the project was originally for conversion of the original Edwardian building into loft style apartments by D19 Property but the new owners, No. 1 Estates Ltd, who have a connection to D19 Property were, on 22 October, 2012, given planning permission to retain the building as an educational establishment by Kensington and Chelsea Planning and Borough Development Department.

However, in September of 2013 a slightly revised plan for re-development of the building for residential use was applied for by Hortensia Property Development LLP. Supported by a K M Heritage heritage appraisal it was presented to Kensington and Chelsea Council for listed building consent and planning consent for the refurbishment and extension of the Sloane building, taking into account national and local policies relating to the historic built environment. Their statement is available on this link -

K M HERITAGE STATEMENT ON BEHALF OF HORTENSIA PROPERTY DEVELOPMENT

 

What's also interesting is that the old Chelsea College of Art and Design in  Manresa Road, to which Sloane can trace its origins in its guise as the South-Western Polytechnic, was, in 2012, about to make way for a scheme involving 15 apartments and two town houses. There's no stopping 'progress'. 

 

 

 
The shell of the 6th
floor penthouse
  The entrance to the
apartments on
Hortensia Road
 
The apartments seen from
Fulham Road
  The view of Fulham Road
and St Mark's College from
one of the balconies

 

 

Building work has progressed apace on what is now known as The King's Library. After planning and building consent were granted work commenced on restructuring the main Sloane building at the end of 2014. The developers, Tenhurst, used McGee as their principal contractors, working to the architectural design of Robin Partington and Partners and began by excavating the basement or as McGee put it, they were responsible for 

"soft strip out and carve demolition and basement excavation".

I'm sure some of you out there understand what they mean.


 

The basement excavation was due to conclude by the end of 2015 to allow the redevelopment above it to progress. Since then work has begun on constructing 18 apartments and a penthouse, a new pedestrian entrance and an extension to the south-west of the building with 150 south facing windows. The design also includes a communal area incorporating our old assembly hall and, in all, 50,000 square feet is being converted. Those lovely brown , glazed tiles that adorn the staircases will remain after being cleaned.

I was approached by the interior designers, Helen Green Design, after they found our website, and asked whether I could provide black and white photos of the school and it's people from the period apanning 1920 -1950ish. I was happy to do so even though they rejected my plea for first refusal on the £15+ million penthouse apartment that cover the 6,000 sq ft of the whole 5th floor and incorporates two wings; one for your private accommodation and one for entertainment alone. I sent them some 70 photos and if they are suitable some will be used to line the walls of the 'show' apartment. You'll no doubt see them when you visit to view your potential London pad. Prices start at £3.1 million and the apartments are being marketed by Savill's.

If you want to take a closer look at the involvement the above mentioned people have then please use the links below and if they don't work just copy and paste them into your browser address bar. The Kings Library link has a not easily visible menu on the left of the screen -

www.thekingslibrary.co.uk

www.savills.co.uk

www.mcgee.co.uk

www.tenhurst.com

www.rpalondon.com

The following link to McGee's website will take you directly to a page where you'll find regular Community Newsletters updating local residents on what's happened and what's about to happen -

McGee Community Newsletters


For those of you who'd rather not follow the links, the following photos are among those to be found on them -


 

Hortensia Road Proposed Elevation Rear of Building Proposed Elevation
Work commences on our old Assembly Hall Proposed look of the old Assembly Hall once converted


 

Meanwhile, Carlyle's old building next door to us hasn't escaped the wiles of the developer and this is how the King's Road is expected to look after work is completed -

 

 

Grainger plc were granted permission to redevelop and manage the council-owned land next to the Carlyle building at the South end of Hortensia Road, to provide 31 one, two, three and four bedroom units to include a range of rental tenures one of which will be the usual, ambiguous, "affordable". The Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea will retain the freehold and share the long-term rental income. Among the thirty one homes will be 6 town houses which will front King's Road. In all, the building will range from three to seven storeys and incorporate 2,756 sq ft of non-residential (presumably business) ground floor space. 

Unusually, this will be a car free development with no parking provided other than for bicycles. There will be residential entrances on Hortensia Road and a commercial entrance on the King's Road. Residents will have the use of a communal courtyard -


 




 

For those of you who can't remember, this is what the site looked like before work started -

 


 

* * * * *

 

 

Whatever our own personal reasons for it doing so, the school will still haunt most of us even if it disappears altogether. With that tenuous link, here's a poem that I came across in a copy of The Cheynean -


 


The Ghost of Sloane

 


 


When London's asleep and the School very quiet,
No sound of footsteps, no sound of a riot,
No sound of even the shuffle of feet,
No sound of the creak of a pupil's seat,
Out of the darkness the ghost of Sloane
Awakes from rest with a sigh and a groan.
Then up he arises to haunt the School
Climbing the stairs in the guise of a ghoul.
He shuffles and clanks down each corridor
Into the classrooms where stand desks galore.
He examines each desk and checks the boys' work,
Allots ghostly marks in the dark and the murk.

If you ever lose books from out of your desk,
And the teacher upbraids you and calls you a pest,
Just tell him my story, however tall,
Of the white shrouded phantom that haunts the School Hall.

                                                    J. Hollingshead (3C)


As for us, the boys who used to attend our Chelsea school, we probably considered ourselves 'Chelsea men' but I doubt that many of fitted the description in this poem, written when he was in the 5th year by one time Sloane Schoolboy, A R Doubledee. I get the impression he didn't particularly approve of the 'Beatniks' of the late 50s and early 60s that he found himself sharing Chelsea with or, as he called them the 'Weirdies' -                                                                        

 
The Weirdies



The Chelsea man is excessively queer,
He only drinks coffee and doesn't like beer.
He's always "chatting" the girls, and yet
This seems to make him "one of the set".

His unkempt chin and uncut hair
Go with his feet which are usually bare.
If he wears shoes, they've never got soles,
And he's usually found in Bohemian holes.


His outsize sweater is generally black
Contrasting well with his shorty mac.
He wears his clothing merely to show
That he can keep up with the boys of Soho.


To find a girl he doesn't look far,
But into the nearest coffee bar,
Where he's sure to meet a Bohemian "yob".
They're all from Chelsea - what a mob!


The girls with hair right down their backs
Wear irregular clothes that look like sacks.
They walk about wearing father's sweater:
I really don't see why he should let 'er.


Their gaudy clothes of reds and greens
Match up with the style of their men-friends' jeans.
Now that's how it goes with the latest style:
Girls on their faces make-up pile,
The men wear anything they can find -
I shouldn't stare, I should just act blind!


A.R. Doubledee (5b)

 


 


*


Sloane Information at the LMA

 

London Metropolitan Archives hold some information relating to Sloane. Some of the items are accessible if you visit the LMA at 40, Northampton Road, Clerkenwell, London, EC1R 0HB (phoning to make an appointment on 020 7332 3820 is advisable) but you will need to apply for a 'History Card' via their website if you intend printing copies of any of the items.

Go to the website at www.lma.gov.uk for full details. Clicking on the following link,
 

London Metropolitan Archives


will take you to a page on their site where you can enter 'Sloane School' in the Search Terms box and click on 'Run Search'. This will bring up all available items.

These include - 

Admission and Discharge Registers 1904-48, 1958-61 and 1964-66, a 1938 Plan of the school, drawings relating to Building Act case files 1935-57, and 23 photos of various school activities 1924-69, though some of these are listed as 'missing'.

Other items they hold are 'closed' under the 65 year rule that protects the confidentiality of living individuals. In other words, they can't be accessed for 65 years from the school's closure so will be available to the public in 2035.

However, these 'closed' items can be consulted by the LMA on behalf of individuals under the provisions of the Data Protection Act, so contact them direct if you're interested.

The 'closed' items are these -

Log Book 1967-70 (Ref: LCC/EO/DIV01/SLO/LB/001)

Punishment Book 1962-70 (Ref: LCC/EO/DIV01/SLO/MISC/001)

Staff Registers -
1895-1963; 1965-70 (Ref: LCC/EO/DIV01/SLO/MISC/002-004)

 

 



 

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MAKING BASIC CHANGES LIKE CHANGING YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS OR CHANGING YOUR PASSWORD can be done by you; you don't need to ask me to do it for you but, of course, if you can't manage it yourself then ask and I'll be happy to do it for you. Here's all you need to know -

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Thanks.

Mark

 


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